From a Trek Tribe Team member:

As I sit down to write a mother's Day poem. I don't want to write a fluffy feel good poem. I want it to be real and honest.

My mother did the Best She Knew How

Some people grew up with a mother
Who was emotionally present,
Steady,
Safe.

That was not my story.

My mother was often not there,
Even when she was standing right in front of me.

There were the moments of yelling,
The slaps,
The pinches delivered out of anger,
And the feeling that I had to tiptoe carefully
To keep the peace.

I remember coming home from school
And cooking dinner,
Because I was the only girl in the house.

I remember feeling like I was the parent
And they were the child.

I remember worrying about things
No child should ever have to worry about.

I remember lying awake at night,
Wishing things were different,
Promising myself
That I would never end up like that.

For a long time,
That promise was rooted in fear,
Because fear was all I ever knew.

I became the fixer.
The peacemaker.
The scapegoat.

I carried responsibilities
That were never mine to carry.

And yet, as I grew,
So did my understanding.

Grateful for the knowledge and understanding this tribe and others have given. Knowing what the cabal has done.

Understanding it.. transmuting what they intended for evil for God's glory.

That my Mom was doing
What she thought was right,
Even when it hurt.

She did the best she knew how
With what she had.

To think how out of control she must have felt to even think about suicide. All the negative abuse she put up with from the entities she never knew existed.

Brought great healing.
The stories/opinions of her from the other grown adults faded away. I new Godly perspective of the past slowly but surely softened my heart.

I stopped waiting for an apology
I may never receive.

I chose forgiveness,
Not because the pain was small,
But because I no longer wanted it
To define me.

I let God's love wash over
The little girl inside me
Who felt unseen,
Unprotected,
And far too responsible.

I apologized to her.

I told her
She never deserved any of it.

I thanked her
For being so strong.

And today, on Mother's Day,
I sit and reflect on how far I have come.

I am grateful for the wisdom
My childhood forced me to gain.

Grateful for the compassion
It taught me.

Grateful that I am becoming
Everything my mother could not be.

I learned from her mistakes.
I loved the unlovable parts of myself.
I broke the patterns
I was so afraid to repeat.

And I am proud of the woman I have become.

It is all by the grace of God.

So to anyone whose story feels like mine:

I see you.

Your heart matters.
Your healing matters.
And you are deeply loved.

Celebrate yourself today.

Be thankful for the strength
That carried you through.

Everything happens for a reason,
Even when we cannot understand it at the time.

And sometimes,
The most beautiful thing we can do
Is become the love
We always needed.

So on this mother's Day, let's celebrate the mother of the tribe. Write comments and or emails letting Tressy know how much she has meant to you over the years. Let's shower her in love and admiration.

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